Hi, my name is Sue.
I don’t want to ramble on because it’s not about me, that’s not why you’re here, I know. But I want you to know the reasons why I understand how you’re feeling because I’ve either been where you are or I certainly know someone who has. So if you want to then have a read of my story, it’s here in all it’s glory!
I had a good upbringing, I can’t deny it, but I never felt quite good enough. My older brother was the golden boy in our house, or so I thought. You know when there’s two siblings and each one is more like a particular parent, well I was like my dad and my brother was like my mum. All well and good except my mum stayed at home to look after the family and my dad worked away for most of every week, that coupled with the fact that I was an easy child and my brother required more attention. As a result I struggled as I could see how much more love and attention my brother got from my mum than I did.
I recall as an adult, a therapist tapping into my unconscious mind and asking me for the first thing that came into my head. My immediate words were “My mum doesn’t love me”. My next words were “She loves my brother more than me”. It was a shock! My brother, being older than me and obviously being the golden boy, was well up the pecking order in our house and I think I was right at the bottom, probably below the dog! But we both had everything we needed or wanted, in fact money flowed much more freely than love and attention did. And don’t get me wrong the money was good but I would have preferred the affection looking back. Anyway I worked hard at school and did well but it was always expected I would anyway so no medals there! My brother struggled and scraped by but was praised greatly for doing so.
I grew up and was married at 18. It was young but seemed more normal back then. My son was born when I was 21 and he immediately shot up my mother’s pecking order and I was pushed even further down. We had a happy marriage for 7 years but I started to grow restless feeling like I’d missed out on my youth by marrying so young. My head was turned by a bad boy and I took my first step onto that slippery slope. The subsequent divorce and custody battle was heart breaking to say the least. My massive guilt affected my decision making process and after my mother took my husband’s side over custody, I lost my will to fight any longer. It was the worse decision of my life and I carried the burden of that guilt for many years. My new relationship was very turbulent and we loved and fought with a passion. It was like a rollercoaster. We did get married and it lasted on and off for many years, breaking up and getting back together numerous times. He loved to spend but wasn’t keen on working, which left me with the debts of his many impulses. My heart was elated and broken and I did many foolish things that a woman in obsessive love can’t help but do. But eventually we split and as time went on I married my current husband who I knew from work. He’s a lovely genuine man and we’ve been happily married for 17 years. He’s not perfect but then neither am I, in fact no-one is!
And over time I’ve learned that no-one is responsible for my happiness except me. It’s a harsh reality but sadly its true. I’ve learnt so many harsh and hurtful lessons over the years but they have made me the woman I am today. I am stronger because of my trials and experiences and this gives me an empathy for others. Work-wise I’ve always done ok having various academic posts over the years, finally qualifying as a solicitor and working for 20 years in the Criminal Courts Service. And I saw it all there and heard all about the many struggles that people can find themselves in. And I worked hard, maybe too hard, and I eventually became the victim of stress and depression which meant being off work for a period of time. I had always been strong, I couldn’t be weak, it just wasn’t me. What a revelation when the doctor told me it was ok to admit that I couldn’t cope. Really, is it ok? I’d never allowed myself to admit that before and it was really difficult for me.
It was during this time that a friend asked me what I would do for work if I could choose anything. I knew that I wanted to help people feel better and I made the decision there and then to ditch the high-flying career and train as a Beauty and Massage Therapist, with a plan to work for myself as soon as possible. It was a massive step but over the next few years it grew and grew until I was able to give up working for the Magistrates Court and become self-employed. I loved this job. I loved meeting people and chatting about their lives and I learned that we all have things we’d change if we were able to, many people have hopes and dreams that have often been just that and nothing more. We all have similar issues and problems and I grew and learned more about people and the things and thoughts that affect themselves and their lives.
One day I was at a Health and Healing Festival and I bought a book from one of the stalls. It was called “Be Your Potential” by a man called Joseph Clough. It was amazing and I couldn’t put it down. I knew I wanted to find out more and so I checked out his website and found a two day weekend course that he was holding in his home town of Cambridge. Now Cambridge is a good 3 hours drive from me but it didn’t stop me, I knew that I had to go. And I did! It was a life-changer for me. I loved everything he was telling me and I wanted to learn more and to find out how I could do this to help others. I learnt that the mind, although a fantastic and complex machine, really is quite simple when you know how it works. The results were amazing. Easy, enjoyable and fast and I loved everything about it. I decided to train personally with Joseph to become a Therapeutic Life Coach, so that I could help others just like he had helped me.
Because I’d struggled over the years and I’d tried so many therapies but nothing seemed to really work, or if it did then it was only temporary and I kept reverting back to my old ways of thinking and doing. It had been so time consuming and I felt like the years of my life were whizzing by and I hadn’t yet found the “real me”. I always felt like there was something missing but could never find it and despite wanting it so very badly I could never make it happen. What was wrong with me? Couldn’t I just be happy with the good life that I had? Don’t be so ungrateful! And I was happy, but somehow I wasn’t. And I felt like such a fraud. I’m sure people would look at me and wonder what I had to be unhappy about or depressed about because it seemed like I had everything I needed. And I knew there were so many others who were way less fortunate in life than I was. But I just couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling.
But over the years I’ve learnt to change what I don’t like, to get more of what I do like, to be happy and at peace with myself and to have a contended home life and relationship. I have a fantastic relationship with my son who’s now a grown man, I am really close to my brother and see him regularly and I have a close and loving relation with both my mum and my dad. We’re just one big happy family! I’ve learned over the years to let go of all that old emotional baggage and I feel so much lighter and peaceful for doing so. I know both my parents love me and are really proud of me and we are now a family who give plenty of hugs and kisses. And you know what, I am finally happy. And that’s because I have finally realised that I am good enough. That it’s ok to just be myself, to be whoever I choose. To be perfectly imperfect! And yes I have bad days, everybody does, but I know how to change them around and be more positive now. It’s taken me a long time to get here but it’s an amazing place to be, I promise. And you can get there too, I’ll help you.